Nobody “attends” a revolution; you live through it and you experience it. We’ve been “experiencing” the Swartland Revolution since it exploded onto the scene 2 years ago. After that now-iconic first weekend, we’ve vowed to never have the misfortune of missing out on the most fun you can ever have over 2 days while keeping your clothes on (that is also optional, of course).
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Here’s our handy guide to fellow revolutionaries to this year’s upcoming event:
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- Get your hands on tickets for the weekend! This is most important – you cannot gate crash a revolution now, can you? They might just yell “check if they have wine stashed anywhere” before frog marching you out of town.
- Train your liver. Seriously. Train your liver. We suggest starting it on a light diet of Swartland Independent wines. A few examples would be David Sadie’s gorgeous Aristargos and the wines made by Nativo or any of the other 21 members of the Swartland Independent.
- Make sure you have accommodation. A fellow revolutionary thought it was a good plan to spend that very first weekend sleeping in his car – he was rudely reminded that, while Riebeek Kasteel is hot during the day, it’s also bloody chilly at night. The town is small, plan accordingly.
- Try to book your accommodation close to the centre of town where it is less hilly. Firstly, no revolutionary worth his/her revolutionary scarf will ever drink and drive. Riebeek West is NOT close enough to Riebeek Kasteel; unless you have a driver on hand. Secondly, have you ever tried to walk uphill while slightly (ahem, just “slightly”) inebriated whilst singing revolutionary songs?
- No Revolution cares about the weather. Plan your wardrobe accordingly: days are hot and nights are chilly. Bring sunblock, a hat (at some stage you will be revolting in the glaring sunshine) and a scarf – all in revolutionary fashion, of course.
- In the digital age, no Revolution is taking place if it’s not broadcast on Social Media. Bring your camera, smart phone, iPad, laptop and tell the world via 3G how cool this Revolution is. Remember there is not wireless available everywhere, so stock up on those data bundles and bring those chargers!
- Before you start Tweeting or Facebooking away, learn to spell RIEBEEK KASTEEL (with no “c” anywhere and the “kasteel” is never translated to “Castle”). You may want to look into the spelling of MULLINEUX, BADENHORST or PORSELEINBERG before you start. Save the following in your predictive text folder: SEQUILLO, RHÔNE, GRAILLOT and BRAAI. We cannot have a Revolution that is misspelled or misunderstood now, can we?
- Bring cash. The local café’s ATM either runs out of cash to dispense, or their swipey machines disconnect from the banking networks. Leave your imperialist R200 notes at home – the café also runs out of change.
- Bring pharmaceuticals – the legal kind. You will be in need of Myprodol (the forgotten food group) and a liver tonic like milk thistle. Drink it before and after you start revolting!
- Do not skip the Saturday morning “Babbelaas Burgers” and coffee on Saturday morning. It will save your life and prepare you for another day’s quality revolting. We recommend a sneaky glass of bubbly at the Royal Hotel in between breakfast and the first tasting of the day; there’s nothing like “hair of the dog” in bubble form to get that palate ready for more of the goodness the Swartland can offer you.
- Book for dinner on the Saturday evening. The post-revolutionary glow remains but can wear a tad thin on an empty stomach. Riebeek Kasteel is full of fabulous restaurant offerings like Bar Bar Black Sheep and Aunti Pasti. You have to book a table as the town will be crawling with hungry revolutionaries.
- Arrive in whatever mood you feel like: pissy, grumpy, silly, freaky, disturbed, ambivalent, morose, hysterical…you will leave in a jovial, relaxed and revolutionary mood.
Image may be NSFW.
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Still need more info? See our articles about the Swartland here and the previous Revolutions here, here and here. Finally, tell your friends!
UPDATED INFO FOR 2014: There is NO ATM in Riebeek Kasteel at the moment. You may want to learn the spelling of “Serge Hochar”, “Chateau Musar” and even “Lebanon”. Ther e is no street party this year. All the weather apps are in agreement (for once); it’s going to be a scorcher.
